{"id":237034,"date":"2021-02-24T00:10:19","date_gmt":"2021-02-24T00:10:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.sassypantsdesign.com\/?p=237034"},"modified":"2021-04-05T17:23:46","modified_gmt":"2021-04-05T17:23:46","slug":"how-to-make-a-fabulous-martini","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sassypantsdesign.com\/?p=237034","title":{"rendered":"How to Make a Fabulous Martini"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>[et_pb_section fb_built=&#8221;1&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.6.6&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221;][et_pb_row _builder_version=&#8221;4.7.7&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.6.6&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221;][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.9.3&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221;]<\/p>\n<div class=\"e14670-4 x-text\">\n<p><span>As I slide tenderly into middle age I have discovered something quite disturbing: Nobody knows how to make a fabulous Martini. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>The Martini has always been my cocktail of choice, and in recent years after several life milestones rudely slapped me in the face, the Martini and I have enjoyed each other\u2019s company more now that we ever did back in my 20\u2019s when vodka tasted (to me) like Listerine gone bad. <\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>And gin was something you used to clean the bathtub.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>There are many opinions on what constitutes a real Martini,\u00a0<\/span><span id=\"more-8472\"><\/span><span>since shows like <\/span><em><a href=\"http:\/\/www.hbo.com\/sex-and-the-city\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Sex in the City<\/a><\/em><span>and <\/span><em><a href=\"http:\/\/www.amc.com\/shows\/mad-men\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Mad Men<\/a><\/em><span> have breathed new life into an old drink that our parents used to glorify. In the <\/span><em>ring-a-ding-ding<\/em><span> era of the Rat Pack the Martini was the cool kids\u2019 drink.<\/span><\/p>\n<p><span>But once Carrie Bradshaw and her posse started swilling Cosmos, which are nothing more than vodka Martinis in strappy Jimmy Choo sling-backs, then all these weird, inbred Martini cousins started crashing the party. (Seriously, an \u201cAppletini\u201d? What the hell?)<\/span><\/p>\n<p>To be clear, these are posers. Nothing can replace an old-fashioned Martini. Which, by the way, is harder to find than you think\u2026outside of my kitchen, anyway.<\/p>\n<p>So in case you ever invite me to your house, and you offer me something to drink, let me share with you the recipe, that if you follow diligently, will forever bond us as BFF\u2019s.<\/p>\n<p>THE MARTINI FIXINGS<\/p>\n<div class=\"e14670-4 x-text\">\n<p><span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"e14670-6 x-text\">\n<ul>\n<li>A straight up (stemmed) Martini glass<\/li>\n<li>Ice (cubed, not crushed, we&#8217;re not making slushies here)<\/li>\n<li>Vermouth<\/li>\n<li>A shaker (glass or metal, NOT PLASTIC, save your nasty Tupperware for your Jenny Craig smoothies)<\/li>\n<li>Green olives or lemon rind<\/li>\n<li>Gin or vodka<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span>There are some debates as to if vodka is even allowed in a real Martini, but I say if it\u2019s good enough for James Bond, then it\u2019s just fine for soccer moms on a\u00a0<\/span><em>girls-night-out<\/em><span>\u00a0bender.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"e14670-6 x-text\">\n<p><span><\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.7.7&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221;][\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=&#8221;4.6.6&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.6.6&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221;][et_pb_image src=&#8221;https:\/\/www.sassypantsdesign.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/How-to-make-a-perfect-martini-Sassypants-Design-2.jpg&#8221; alt=&#8221;Use a plastic shaker and I might have to hurt you&#8221; title_text=&#8221;How-to-make-a-perfect-martini-Sassypants-Design-2&#8243; align=&#8221;center&#8221; _builder_version=&#8221;4.6.6&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221;][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=&#8221;4.7.7&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221;][et_pb_column type=&#8221;4_4&#8243; _builder_version=&#8221;4.6.6&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221;][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.7.7&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221;]<\/p>\n<div class=\"e14670-14 x-text x-text-headline\">\n<div class=\"x-text-content\">\n<div class=\"x-text-content-text\">\n<p>HERE&#8217;S WHERE IT GETS TRICKYTo make a fabulous Martini you have to start the day before. Yes, you heard that right. Put the Martini glass and shaker in the freezer before you go to bed. In the interest of efficiency I just keep my metal shaker and a few Martini glasses in the freezer at all times. (<em>Mental note: I need to get a bigger freezer.<\/em>)I like the metal shakers because the glass ones kept getting broken every time I shoved a jumbo box of dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets into the freezer after a Costco run. Such are the issues when sophistication collides with sweat pants.<\/p>\n<p>Take the frozen shaker out of the freezer and fill it with ice cubes. Add about a tablespoon or less of vermouth. If you want to be really\u00a0<em>gansta<\/em>\u00a0about it use the vermouth bottle cap as your measurement. Swirl the shaker for about 60 seconds, then dump out the vermouth, but leave the ice.Otherwise your Martini tastes like how the perfume counter at Bloomingdales smells.\u00a0<em>Bleh<\/em>.<\/p>\n<p>Add about two ounces of vodka or gin. (I prefer vodka because gin and I had a standoff in college that haunts me to this day.) Martinis are not to be consumed in a Big Gulp cup, people. They are to be sipped and savored over time. On a particularly stressful day, you can increase the booze to two jiggers, which is three ounces. NO MORE THAN THAT.<\/p>\n<p>If you feel the need to slam back a few, then get yourself a Long Island Ice Tea with an Advil chaser and call it a day. A Martini is a civilized drink for grown-ups.<\/p>\n<p>Cap the shaker and gently swirl or shake it. But don\u2019t excitedly winch it up and down like you\u2019re pleasuring the maracas in Ricky Ricardo\u2019s Latin Jazz Band. You simply want to dilute the vodka a bit while blending it with the hint of vermouth. The goal is to be able to smell the vermouth when you bring the Martini to your lips, but not taste it.<\/p>\n<p>Let the shaker rest while you clean up your mess and put on some music. I suggest\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=X2UKZEIE0os\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Miles Davis<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=ddcWxY-K9vk\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Cannonball Adderley<\/a>,\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=a2LFVWBmoiw\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Bill Evans<\/a>, or\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=cSX_7ejc5u8\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener noreferrer\">Oscar Peterson<\/a>. If you don\u2019t know who any of those artists are then you probably shouldn\u2019t be drinking Martinis.<\/p>\n<p>Give your shaker one last swirl, then take your frozen Martini glass out of the freezer and fill it with your prized nectar. Stick two olives on a toothpick and drop it into the Martini. Or include a small, twisted lemon rind. Optionally, you can add a dribble of the olive juice to make it dirty, which I prefer.<\/p>\n<p>Serve with pretzels, cocktail peanuts, or a tart cheese with Waterford crackers. But\u00a0I swear to God, if you haul out Cheerios, string cheese, tuna on a Ritz, or any cracker in the shape of a goldfish, I will have to smack you with my vintage vinyl copy of Sinatra\u2019s\u00a0<em>Songs for Swingin\u2019 Lovers<\/em>.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<div class=\"e14670-15 x-text\">\n<p><span>You\u2019re welcome.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<p>[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=&#8221;4.7.7&#8243; _module_preset=&#8221;default&#8221;][\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][\/et_pb_section]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>As I slide tenderly into middle age I have discovered something quite disturbing: Nobody knows how to make a fabulous Martini. The Martini has always been my cocktail of choice, and in recent years after several life milestones rudely slapped me in the face, the Martini and I have enjoyed each other\u2019s company more now [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":237050,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"on","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":""},"categories":[12,11],"tags":[15],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v18.3 (Yoast SEO v21.8.1) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>How to Make a Fabulous Martini &#8226; Sassypants Design<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.sassypantsdesign.com\/?p=237034\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Make a Fabulous Martini\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"As I slide tenderly into middle age I have discovered something quite disturbing: Nobody knows how to make a fabulous Martini. 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