{"id":237075,"date":"2020-12-19T22:01:15","date_gmt":"2020-12-19T22:01:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.sassypantsdesign.com\/?p=237075"},"modified":"2021-03-30T18:30:35","modified_gmt":"2021-03-30T18:30:35","slug":"the-most-expensive-pair-of-underwear-i-ever-bought","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.sassypantsdesign.com\/?p=237075","title":{"rendered":"The Most Expensive Pair of Underwear I Ever Bought"},"content":{"rendered":"

[et_pb_section fb_built=”1″ _builder_version=”4.6.6″ _module_preset=”default”][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.7.7″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ sticky_enabled=”0″][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.6.6″ _module_preset=”default”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.7.7″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ sticky_enabled=”0″]<\/p>\n

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I\u2019m all about dressing nice. Heck, even when I\u2019m wearing my grubby jeans, it\u2019s fun to shake things up with a cute top and funky necklace\u2026 usually\u2026 sometimes\u2026 ok, when I know I\u2019ll see someone. But, I do get that whole thing about not wearing ratty underwear just in case<\/i><\/b>. What if, God forbid, you are in a horrible car accident?\u00a0 <\/span>They inevitably will rush you to the hospital and rip off your clothes, thereby exposing your (potentially) worst pair of undies to the entire medical staff unlucky enough to be present for the spectacle. Ah, yes, best to be prepared.<\/p>\n

And underwear can be unbelievably expensive! Why is it that men can buy a 9-pack of tightie whities at Target<\/a> for $13.49, but one single pair<\/i><\/b> of ladies panties can cost more than a steak at Ruth\u2019s Chris<\/a>?<\/p>\n

Leave it to Boomer, my sneaky Soft Coated Wheaten Terrier, to be responsible for the most expensive pair of underwear I ever bought.<\/p>\n

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BOOMER, CULINARY EXPERT. OR NOT.<\/h4>\n
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Boomer was not a dog with discriminating taste in food. In fact, when cleaning up his potty\u00a0area out back, I would regularly find barely\u00a0digested WHOLE kibble. I believe he inhaled, rather than chewed. He certainly\u00a0could not have tasted much. Further underlining the point that his discernment was at best, marginal, Boomer had an affinity for dirty underwear. In fact, it was his favorite of delicacies. Visiting houseguests were regularly warned to keep their bedroom door closed, and their suitcases latched shut.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

[\/et_pb_text][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.7.7″ _module_preset=”default” hover_enabled=”0″ sticky_enabled=”0″][\/et_pb_text][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.7.7″ _module_preset=”default”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.7.7″ _module_preset=”default”][et_pb_divider divider_style=”dashed” _builder_version=”4.7.7″ _module_preset=”default”][\/et_pb_divider][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.6.6″ _module_preset=”default”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.6.6″ _module_preset=”default”][et_pb_image src=”https:\/\/www.sassypantsdesign.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/12\/Boomer-underwear-thief-March_2011.jpg” alt=”Dog” title_text=”Boomer – Lover of Dirty Underwear” align=”center” _builder_version=”4.7.7″ _module_preset=”default”][\/et_pb_image][\/et_pb_column][\/et_pb_row][et_pb_row _builder_version=”4.7.7″ _module_preset=”default”][et_pb_column type=”4_4″ _builder_version=”4.7.7″ _module_preset=”default”][et_pb_text _builder_version=”4.7.7″ _module_preset=”default”]<\/p>\n

Boomer – Lover of Dirty Underwear<\/em><\/p>\n

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One fateful day, Sassypants Design\u2019s own Stacy Dymalski was visiting. Boomer wormed his way into her room, stealth-like, when nobody was looking, and stole a very nice pair of underwear, which we later found in mostly undigested tiny pieces out back.<\/p>\n

I asked Stacy where she had bought the underwear, and headed off to Nordstrom<\/a> to replace it. There are several Nordstrom locations in San Diego, but I chose one at a large shopping center with multiple parking structures. I parked in one with a bridge that conveniently leads directly into Nordstrom.<\/p>\n

I hurried back into Nordstrom\u00a0and\u00a0alerted\u00a0a sales clerk, who called the police, and handed me the phone. When I told the officer\u00a0what happened and where, I could almost see the eye-roll over\u00a0the phone as he said, \u201cOh that<\/i><\/b> place. They lose an average of two cars a day!\u201d Incredulous, I finished my conversation, and was then instructed to call mall security.<\/p>\n

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WHAT THE HECK? <\/span><\/h4>\n
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I went in, bought the underwear, and immediately returned to the parking lot. But my car was no longer there. Instead, I found an empty parking space where my car had once been. I knew exactly where I had parked, so there was no question in my mind about the fact that my car had been stolen.<\/p>\n

Apparently, it\u2019s common for people to misplace their cars in shopping malls. It\u2019s also allegedly\u00a0common for a family member to come and take one\u2019s car while one is unknowingly shopping for new shoes.<\/p>\n

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At least that is what the Mall Security Guard told\u00a0me. I found myself explaining\u00a0that nobody in my family would do that, and that I knew exactly where I had parked.<\/i><\/strong> Undeterred, they insisted that I hop in the truck and allow\u00a0them to drive me around all of the enormous parking structures on the premises, in hopes that I would spot my car.<\/p>\n

While we were driving around, I quipped, \u201cI hear you guys lose an average of two cars a day here.\u201d With great defensiveness, the security guard\u00a0replied, and I am not making this up,<\/i><\/strong> \u201cThat\u2019s not TRUE!\u00a0We only lost one today.\u201d<\/p>\n

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MORE RIDICULOUSNESS<\/span><\/h4>\n
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Within two minutes, a voice came on the walkie talkie, \u201cJoe, where are you?\u201d His reply, \u201cI\u2019m driving the lady around who lost her car.\u201d The walkie talkie: \u201cis it the F-150?\u201d A-HA!<\/i><\/b> I did not have an F-150! So, I said to the guard, \u201cI guess you are back up to two.\u201d<\/p>\n

Oddly, he did not see\u00a0the humor in that.<\/p>\n

I eventually learned that my car had been stolen for the purpose\u00a0of transporting human cargo across the US\/Mexican border. All of the rear seats had been removed, and it was found totaled, in a ditch, in the desert. Unfortunately, because it had already lost much\u00a0of its value based on its advanced age, replacing it cost tens of thousands of dollars.<\/p>\n

Ergo, this was the most expensive pair of underwear I ever bought. Boomer is still smacking his lips.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

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I\u2019m all about dressing nice. Heck, even when I\u2019m wearing my grubby jeans, it\u2019s fun to shake things up with a cute top and funky necklace\u2026 usually\u2026 sometimes\u2026 ok, when I know I\u2019ll see someone. But, I do get that whole thing about not wearing ratty underwear just in case. 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